Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
