so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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