Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
