Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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