Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
