its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
