The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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