just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
