Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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