garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
