He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
