i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
