If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When are your genitals available?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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