Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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