I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
