I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your cock deserves a montage
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
