What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
