While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
