if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
