It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
