I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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