I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
