Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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