he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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