textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
