everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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