After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
