Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
