you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
