Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
