It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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