dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
