Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
