Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
