I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
