Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
