It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
