using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
