Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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