If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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