I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
