I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
