Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
