So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
