I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
