i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
