we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize