you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
