strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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