she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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