Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
