We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
