I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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