He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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