please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
