Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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