What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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