i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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