she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize