things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
