sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize