Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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