I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
