I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
