I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize