No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
