The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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