My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
