Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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