watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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